


Countdown

by t_shirt



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mild Language, Mild Lemon, sap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:26:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22134754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t_shirt/pseuds/t_shirt
Summary: When Hiiro is injured and left in a coma while assisting Duo in battle, the long haired pilot is forced to fight for his partner’s life. However, strange dreams and hidden desires complicate matters when forces that seem bent on pulling the plug seemingly push Duo to the very brink of sanity.Still going through my old fic's.
Relationships: 1x2 - Relationship, 3x4, 5+all
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	Countdown

Post War Cannon  
1x2, 3x4 5+all  
Supernatural  
Angst, sap, mild language, very mild lemon

Summary:

When Hiiro is injured and left in a coma while assisting Duo in battle, the long haired pilot is forced to fight for his partner’s life. However, strange dreams and hidden desires complicate matters when forces that seem bent on pulling the plug seemingly push Duo to the very brink of sanity. 

I still couldn’t believe it was true. It had been a full month since Hiiro’s accident, but the seat in his Gundam still felt warm. What was I doing sitting in Wing? I have no idea. It just made me feel closer to him somehow, like I could still reach him, still talk with him.

It was enormously frustrating because there was no way that was going to happen with things the way they were. Quatre kept telling me not to blame myself, but he had gone down trying to safe my sorry ass. How could I not? I never would have expected him to come after me more or less throw himself in the line of fire to keep me from getting cooked. And then…he was lying in a bed in St. Mary’s pretty much dead to the world. If it weren’t for those infernal machines they had him hooked up to he wouldn’t have been alive at all, but that sort of existence isn’t really being alive. 

And it was all because of me. 

That tore at me, but the truth was it was much harder to cope with the idea that I would never hear his voice again. No more snipping at me for being too loud or grumbling about how I was drawing unnecessary attention. The guilt I felt just couldn’t compare to the pain of knowing I might never look into those deep blue eyes again and see the sparkle of life, that deep intensity that never failed to reminded me just how precious life really is. Selfish? I suppose, but it wasn’t like I ever entertained the thought that he did it all for me. He was just such a powerful force of nature just being around him was like this supercharged addiction and it wasn’t just me. The others all felt it too, especially Relena. 

I have to hand it to her Highness because she had handled the whole thing much better than I had. I think her love for him must’ve been more pure than anything I could lay claim to because it took her less than two weeks to come to the conclusion that Hiiro wouldn’t want to live his life strung up to a bunch of machines, but I just…couldn’t let him go. 

**

_”You can’t do that!”_

_“Do you really think he would want to live like this!?” Relena cried as her vehemence glittered in her red-rimmed eyes while the doctors moved in to disconnect Hiiro’s life support._

_“You never had a problem forcing him to live before!” I shouted stepping in between my comatose partner and his physicians._

_“Duo…please,” she sighed looking very tired and forlorn. “This is hard on all of us…”_

_“NO!” The doctor who had dared to move forward grew wide eyed and stumbled back toward the door in the face of my rage. “First one who lay’s a hand on him answers to me.”_

_“Oh, thank heavens,” Relena gasped when Trowa, Quatre and Wufei strolled into the room._

_“Are you all right?” Quatre asked, but I confronted him with bull faced determination and dug my heel in to stand my ground. “It’s all right,” he soothed. “No one is going to touch him.”_

_“Quatre, I realize how upsetting this is…”_

_“I’m afraid the matter has already been decided,” Quatre smiled softly laying a hand on her shoulder._

_“It’s Duo’s call now,” Wufei explained handing a leaflet of papers to Dr. Shaw, the physician in charge._

_He read for a moment before his elderly eyes flicked to me and back again. “Mr. Maxwell?”_

_“What’s that?” I demanded._

_“It is his living will,” the doctor informed me. “Are you aware the patient has named you his sole heir and given you power of attorney?”_

_“What does that mean?”_

_“It means no one has the right to unhook him until you say so,” Wufei smiled._

**

It all seemed so long ago. Had it really only been two weeks? I don’t know, maybe she was right from the beginning and I should have just let them, but I couldn’t bear the thought of never hearing him laugh again. It’s funny, if he were able I wonder if he wouldn’t kick my ass for being such a self centered prick, but I just couldn’t let him go. So, I sat in Wings cockpit all night again wanting to hear him shout at me over the com, wishing I hadn’t been bone headed enough to try and play hero with the proverbial Hercules riding my ass. Like he was ever going to step down and let someone else take one for the team. I should have known better. It just wasn’t in his nature. At least the son of a bitch that hit him was space dust. I made damn sure of that. 

It smelled like him. I guess he sweats as much as I do when he’s engaged in battle because quite honestly Wing’s cockpit reeked of his scent. And I’m not talking the usual gym locker aroma. No, this was thick and spicy because it was filled with the fury of battle. That fire that lights up a man’s eyes when he faces his enemy and drives him to fight for all he’s worth until he either wins or dies trying. That’s the sort of scent that was embedded in Wing, Hiiro’s scent, his very life force. It was intoxicating. 

There were still a couple of hours before the hospital would let me back in. I spent everyday there, but they refused to allow me to stay the night anymore. Une wasn’t very happy with me either, but I really didn’t give a damn. The mission was a success because of Hiiro’s sacrifice and I wasn’t about to abandon him just so she wouldn’t be one more man down. Don’t get me wrong, I understand my importance to the group, but Quatre, Trowa and Wufei were still out there fighting the good fight. I had more important things to attend too. 

It still rattled my brain to think she had the Gundam’s rebuilt, but I guess it made sense as long as we were alive. Mareimaia’s assault on Earth had proven the need to establish a strong peace force and for once all the governing bodies of man agreed. The Gundam’s fought for the Colony’s, now they were the peacekeepers and guardians of our race. This last uprising had given us a chance to prove our metal throwing us back into the thick of battle after less than a year, but no one could have foreseen the great loss that battle would entail. 

Because of me. 

He did it for me. I would never let myself forget that fact. He was my partner and my friend. He had proven that beyond the shadow of a doubt when he stepped into the line of fire. He took the hit that was intended for me! Caused by my own arrogant stupidity! Now, there I sat healthy and whole while he laid flat on his back living on paste and artificial air!

“Duo.”

What the…? I had to laugh. Now I was hearing his voice. I needed to sleep, just let my mind rest for a little while. I was so tired. 

“Duo.”

Hmmm, such a nice sound. I always liked the sound of his voice even when he was crabbing at me. It echoed slightly in my dreams. 

“Rest.”

“Wake the hell up and I’ll rest,” I grumbled sleepily. 

What did he expect? He just kept lying there making us all worry, making me stand guard over him every day. 

“Hiiro?” 

“I’m here.”

I smiled when he swam into view. He even looked good all distorted from the dream. Anything was better than all those damned hoses and wires. 

“You need to wake up, buddy,” I groaned. “I’m getting too old for this sleeping in the cockpit shit.”

“Rest.”

“You’re doing enough of that for the both of us.”

He looked so pained when he reached out for me I almost wished I hadn’t said it, but then he was only a dream and when I woke up he’d still be strapped to a bed. Still, I hated to see that sadness in his eyes. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t start that,” I grumbled irritably. “You saved me. I’m the one who’s sorry.”

“I’m sorry I left you alone.”

That one hit home. It was kind of an ironic justice I suppose, hearing him go on about things I had so longed to hear him say now that he couldn’t. My dream Hiiro knew me inside and out and tended not to pull any punches. It was almost as if he knew we didn’t have time to mess around and it scared me. 

“You haven’t left me yet,” I reminded him. 

“Duo.” 

Damn it. Why did he have to use that soft, beckoning tenor? It made me want to go to him, wrap him up and never let him go, but I feared he might disappear if I dared to reach for him. My blood began to race when he reached for me only this time, instead of merely extending his hand I felt his fingertips ghost gently along my cheek and suddenly couldn’t breathe. 

“Hiiro,” I whispered leaning into the touch. He was so warm, even there in the misty realm of my mind, but he was always like that. I still remember the first time I ever laid a hand on him when I pulled him from the water at the dock. Shot twice and soaked to the bone, but his skin was still warm. But why was it wet?

“Don’t cry.”

“Who crying?” I snapped pushing his hand away to scrub at my eyes. “It’s all this damn fog,” I grumbled while he smirked at me. “Messes with my sinuses.”

“Duo,” he called in that eerie, echoing dream tone, but it was the blatant need and underlying desperation that caught my attention. 

“What is it?”

“Please,” he begged leaning toward me and I swear on all that is holy time ground to a halt when he kissed me. 

He kissed me. 

And when he moved to pull away my lips followed him eager for more, so he kissed me again only this time it was much firmer and more confident and I suddenly felt the blue gray matter of the dreamscape flare bright red. There was no air, no time and no reason other than us and when he pulled away and smiled sweetly I thought perhaps we had both died out there and somehow found our way to heaven. 

Until his eyes softened into a deep apology and he quietly whispered, “Goodbye.”

“What?!” I gasped reaching for him, but he was nothing more than a puff of smoke retreating on the wind. “Hiiro!?!?” I shouted trying to follow, but my feet couldn’t find anything to push against and my hands grappled at nothing but smoke and light. “HIIRO!”

It was the scream that woke me and I sat for a good, long minute panting like a racehorse and white as a sheet before I realized it had all been a dream. 

Dream my ass! 

I was out of the cockpit and on the ground before the cable got halfway down. No fucking way! I had to see him. I had to know he was still with me, with us. 

The hospital was less than a mile away, a thirty second ride on my bike, which I ditched at sixty and let slide into a catch rail. All colony roads have them for safety, but they come in very handy when you’re in a hurry and don’t want to completely wreck your ride. It was a military facility of course, so there was no way I was going to argue my way in at the door, but I’m still the best thief this side of Hell so scaling the northern wall took me quickly enough to the third floor. I knew my hunch was right the moment I saw Relena crying by the door, but it was the fact that Dr. Shaw was working on unhooking him that sent me into a rage and through the plate glass window of his room. 

“Get away!” I growled while the shocked doctor rushed to Relena’s side. “You said I had power of attorney! What did you think you were doing!?” Where his hoses okay? Was he still breathing? I had to check and make sure and yes he was still alive, they hadn’t gotten that far. 

“Stop it!” Relena cried still shielding her head with her hands. “Why can’t you just let him die!? How can you keep torturing him like this!?”

“Relena has legal documentation giving her authority to make this decision,” Dr. Shaw stated nervously. “You must understand son…”

“I ain’t your son,” I evenly intoned. 

“Nevertheless,” he swallowed bracing himself to move forward. “The decision has been made…”

“Take one more step toward him and it’s the last decision you’ll ever make,” I warned emphasizing it with the business end of a 380 Glock between his beady little eyes. 

“W…w...w…”

“You’re acting insane,” Relena reasoned drawing the stammering man back to a safe distance. 

“I won’t let him die,” I declared. 

“We’ll just wait you out you know?” she sighed heavily and for a moment I felt a twinge of sympathy for her. Her eyes were puffy and red and it looked like she had wiped a good portion of the skin of her nose off on tissues, but there was no way in hell I was letting her pull that plug. 

“Then we wait,” I agreed. 

The good doctor wasted no time retreating into the hall, but Relena moseyed about long enough to watch me set a chair between the door and Hiiro and straddle it backwards to begin my vigil. I had pulled the drapes hoping to keep some of the air conditioning in, but the fresh air would help me stay awake so I wasn’t too concerned with it. Once they left I checked Hiiro over again, his bags of fluid were full and all his blips and bleeps appeared to be…well…blipping and bleeping. He was alive, for what it was worth. 

“You really look like shit,” I told him laughing wryly while I tucked his wires and hoses out of harms way. He looked so peaceful, but it seemed strange to think of him that way with all that gear sticking out of him. “You need to wake up,” I sighed leaning down close to his face. “We’re running out of time, ya know?”

I swear I heard him groan, but I was so tired I chalked it up to stress and fatigue and tried to think of some way to stay awake. Too bad I hadn’t thought to grab a pot of coffee on the way up. I had nothing but the water in the bathroom and half a candy bar I had stuffed in my jacket pocket about two days prior. Well, the adrenaline from the confrontation wouldn’t wear off for awhile, so I spent some time cleaning up the glass, making sure there wasn’t any left on the bed with Hiiro or gumming up the works of his web. 

“You look like a giant arachnid,” I laughed inspecting one of the bleeping machines for glass shards. “You better wake up soon or Spiderman’s gonna think you’re trying to steal his gig.” 

It just wasn’t as funny when he didn’t glare at me. 

An hour passed without much incident, but I knew it wouldn’t be long before the Calvary showed up. 

“Duo?”

“Keep your distance,” I warned when Quatre paused in the doorway. “Sorry.”

“I understand,” he smiled relaxing a little. “How is he?”

“Tired apparently,” I sighed plopping down in my chair, but I kept the pistol in my hand. 

Would I shoot Quatre? If he came there to talk me down so they could unhook Hiiro? You bet your sweet ass. Don’t get me wrong, I’d never shoot to kill when it came to one of my friends, but he would be limping for a long damn time. 

“Are you all right?” he asked looking me over. “They said you busted through the window.”

“No worries,” I smiled knowing in my heart his concern was sincere. “I still remember how to tuck and roll.”

“Good,” he breathed a sigh of relief. “Can I get you anything?”

“You’re supposed to talk him out!” someone hissed down the hall. 

“Don’t be absurd,” he laughed. “He knows exactly what he’s doing and how long he has to do it.” Once a Gundam pilot… “Would you like some coffee?”

“And a sandwich if they have one,” I smiled. 

“I’ll get it,” the voice said and I recognized it as Dr. Shaw and grimaced. 

“I’ll do it,” Quatre insisted flashing me a knowing grin before departing. 

I wouldn’t have touched it if the doctor had laid a hand on it and Quatre knew it. No doubt he would drug it or something, but I trusted Quat, he knew where I was and what the game plan would be. There wasn’t any reason to take such unnecessary action. When he returned he had two sandwiches and a large coffee on a tray that he slid into the room in lieu of entering himself and I flashed him a grateful smile. He really was my good friend, and Hiiro’s, too.

The coffee helped a little, but I hadn’t slept in over a day. They cut the cable so I couldn’t watch the news and the phone line was dead. I was a little surprised they didn’t just cut the power to the room and knock him off that way, but maybe they couldn’t without loosing power to the rest of the rooms. I had no doubt they were working on finding a way to dislodge me, but I’m a stubborn little shit if there ever was one. It was going to take more than boredom and a lack of communication to spook me. 

“Duo.”

When had I fallen asleep? Shit! I couldn’t fall asleep! They’d waltz right in and…

“Calm down.”

“Hiiro?” 

I couldn’t see, there was a fog, and the blackness of space. A white flash!

“HIIRO!” 

“Duo?” Trowa’s even tone inquired and I shook off the vertigo to see him peering into the room. 

“Where’s Quatre?” I asked still shaking from the dream. 

“Talking to Relena.”

“Why didn’t you arrest me while I slept?” I rasped though a dry throat. It felt so cold all of a sudden. 

“You fell asleep?” he snorted. 

“Yeah, just now.”

“I’ve never seen anyone sleep standing up before,” he chuckled. “Not even you.”

Shit. Had I blacked out then? I couldn’t remember. 

“What time is it?”

“Ten past noon.”

Damn it! We were running out of time. I went to him and checked and sure enough his fluid bottles were running on empty. One was completely dry, but I had no idea if it was a medication or just saline. Why do they have to write everything in that hospital lingo language? Why not just print morphine or saline or mojo right on the bag so it’s easy to spot? 

“Trowa?” I breathed and was shocked at the pleading sound of my voice. 

“Soon,” he assured me, but I found little comfort in it and slipped my hand into Hiiro’s. 

Nothing I had ever experienced before left me feeling as empty as it did the moment his skin touched mine and I realized he was stone cold. 

“Hiiro,” I choked knowing the tears were winning when I bent to touch my forehead to his. “You gotta wake up…they won’t let me keep you…come on, man…don’t leave me here all alone…”

“…said you can’t go in there!”

“Lieutenant!”

“Yes, Colonel?” 

“Who is this man?”

Une?

“I am Dr. Shaw, the physician in charge…”

“Good, come with us.”

What was she doing there? Did she really think I was just going to lie down because my boss showed up?

“Agent Barton,” she greeted Trowa who regarded her with his usual indifference. 

“Lady Une!” I heard Relena cry just before she jaunted into the doorway. “I’m so glad you’ve come. He won’t listen to reason.”

“I see my arrival is just in time,” the Colonel snipped turning a brash eye my way. “Agent Maxwell.”

“Lady Une,” I returned leveling my Glock on her head. 

Her eyes did this twitching thing I hadn’t seen them do since the war, but then her expression softened into something more along the lines of amusement. 

“I take it you would not object to a second opinion?” the Lady smiled, but I could only narrow a suspicious eye on her. “Miss Po, if you would, please.”

“Sally?” I gasped. 

”Hi’ya, Duo.”

I couldn’t believe it. She had been off planet when the accident happened and Dr. Shaw was the physician on duty, but somehow she came back and there she was and I was so damn happy to see her I almost dropped the stupid gun. 

“Can you help him?” was my first question. 

“I don’t know,” she sighed. “Can I have a look?”

“Please.”

“Now, see here!” Dr. Shaw began, but I put a bullet in the wall beside his head and he pissed his pants and ran off down the hall. 

“He’s insane!” Relena gasped. 

“That is a definite possibility,” Sally chuckled dropping her bag beside Hiiro’s bed. “However, if he had wanted to kill him he would be dead would he not? Help me with this,” she instructed switching gears before the princess could form an answer. 

I was damn glad to see that black bag contained new fluids for Hiiro’s web and soon he was all juiced up again and purring right along. Then she poked and prodded, checked wires and hoses and about a zillion little buttons and knobs before she packed all her stuff back up and sat down to talk. 

“You understand he is in a deep coma?” she asked and I nodded. I’m not stupid. 

“These machines,” she went on nodding her head at the infernal things. “They’re all that’s keeping him alive.”

“Get to the point.” I was tired of waiting. 

“The point is,” she sighed. “If you were in the field he would have died long ago.”

“I won’t let him die.”

She considered me for a long moment as if trying to ascertain the meaning of the words before her eyes softened and she smiled. 

“Colonel?”

“Dr. Shaw,” Une snipped in her most regal tone of voice and the man, who had returned to peer in the room from the relative safety of the hall snapped to attention. “You are hereby relieved of your duties pertaining to this patient.” He started to protest, then thought better of it, nodded and disappeared. “Orderly! Mr. Yui is to be moved to a private room under the care of Agent Po. I expect full cooperation from the hospital staff.” She’s damn scary when she’s on a roll. 

“See that a second bed is available for Duo,” Sally grinned while the staff scurried to obey. 

“Lady Une,” Relena groaned sadly. “I don’t think you understand the severity of the situation.”

“I understand completely.” 

“Then you will honor the fact that I now hold full legal responsibility for…”

“I’m afraid not.”

“Quatre?” 

“Did you receive the call?” Une asked. 

“Yes,” Quatre smiled. “The order has been rescinded.”

“What?” Relena gasped. 

“Relena,” Une said softly, so gently I almost couldn’t believe it was the same woman as a moment before. “You must understand…”

“He would hate this,” she choked dabbing her eyes. 

“We have to give him a chance,” Une soothed. 

“I won’t let him die.” This was becoming like some sort of mantra, but I meant it with every fiber of my being. Only this time, it was a promise to the princess and I saw the spark of hope glimmer to life in her eyes. 

He was moved, reconnected and tucked into a new room complete with a second bed and all the tiny little soda cans Quatre could squash into one of those plastic pans they keep on the bedside table. 

“You…are a saint,” I grinned popping the top on one of the cola’s. 

“You need to sleep,” he smiled turning down my bed. 

“I want to sit with him for awhile.” 

He glared at me for a moment, then relented taking my horde of sodas and sitting it on the table farthest from me. “These are for when you wake up,” he informed me. “Now get some rest.”

“Hey, Quat?”

“Yes?”

“Thanks. And tell Une, too. I owe you one.”

“You owe me a lot more than one,” he teased coming to hug my neck. “But this one’s on the house. Please, try to rest.”

Rest. Was it even possible? Every time I closed my eyes I heard him say, _”Goodbye,”_ and bolted straight up in my bed. He would still be lying there while the steady rhythm of his monitors sounded softly, but I still couldn’t shake the cold sweats and trembling. 

“Don’t ever say that again,” I shivered rolling over to try again. 

Happy thoughts. I had to think of happy thoughts. The moon on a clear summers night, flying in deep space, the way Hiiro always laughed when I bumbled or tripped. It was the only time I got to hear him laugh like that. Just a carefree burst of pure emotion. I supposed, as I drifted off again and the memory of sweet lips washed across my mind, I probably tripped and bumbled a lot more than was necessary sometimes. 

“Sleep.”

“I am sleeping.”

Well that earned me a snicker. 

“Why didn’t you tell me they were trying to unhook you?” I didn’t mean for it to sound quite so annoyed. It wasn’t like the figment in my dreams could foretell the future. 

“I’m sorry,” he said anyway and I smiled and opened my eyes. 

“Hey, I can see you.” He was much clearer now though seemed as reluctant to speak as ever. “Just don’t ever say that again,” I told him. 

“Never,” he smiled and I felt a heat rise up and lick at the bottom of my stomach when he moved closer. 

“Guess I have some deeper issues,” I chuckled while he rested his head near to mine. 

“Why is that?” he asked, but my mind was lost in the gentle way his hand was touching my face. 

“I never really understood, you know?”

“Tell me,” he breathed, but what he wanted me to say was a distant memory when his lips touched mine. 

I knew it was wrong to indulge in such intimate fantasies in the situation we were in, but whatever my heart was trying to tell me refused to be denied and I was soon wrapped firmly around him while his mouth and body loved me in ways I had never even thought of before. The fact that he was a guy wasn’t near as disturbing as the fact that he was Hiiro and I was thoroughly enjoying my little slumber-induced infringement. 

“Stop,” I panted before things went too far, but he didn’t look terribly happy about it. “I can’t.”

“Why not?” he asked and I almost laughed at the pout in his tone. 

“Because if you ever get wind of this dream I’m gonna be donkey kibble,” I chuckled.

“Who said this was a dream?” he smiled, then kissed me so soundly I almost believed that it wasn’t. 

“Please,” I pleaded, but it was so damn hard to push him away. “If I let this happen I’ll never be able to face you again.”

“And what if I don’t wake up?” he asked softly, but I’m afraid it didn’t garner quite the reaction I think he was hoping for.

“Don’t say that!” I snapped wrenching away from him. “You will wake up! God damn it, Hiiro! Don’t you dare say shit like that!”

“I’m sorry,” he soothed, but the fear that had clamped down on my gut turned my stomach and kept him at bay. 

“You have to,” I whimpered and suddenly my knees wouldn’t hold me anymore and he was there holding me while I cried. 

He stayed with me for a long while that night. I had never had a dream that lasted so long or seemed so real before and when I finally woke it made it twice as hard to see him lying silently in the other bed. The tears from the dream threatened to spill over into reality, but if I have one rule it is never to cry. Call it a testament to an old friend. One way or another, I was going to get him back. 

It was daylight, but I had no idea of the time until I found a wall clock above my head. Nine a.m. I had slept the rest of the day and through the night. I wondered while I lay there watching his chest rise and fall in synch with the respirator if it was because of his presence. I hadn’t slept more than a couple of hours at a time since they stopped letting me stay with him. 

“You’ve seriously got me messed up,” I groaned sardonically wishing hospital beds weren’t so damn hard, but the ache’s and pains of the morning were lost when I saw his eyes suddenly open. “Hiiro!” I gasped rushing to his side only to find his eyes still closed tight. My blood was pounding so hard I could hardly see at all, but his eyes were defiantly still shut. “Geez!” I growled falling on his chest. “Now I’m seeing things,” I chuckled, but it died as quickly as it had come. 

“Duo.”

My head shot up at the sound of his voice, but the air tube was still in his mouth making speech utterly impossible. I stared at him for a long moment before I began to actually question my sanity and backed away. 

“If you don’t come around soon you’re gonna be breaking me out off the psycho ward,” I laughed heading for one of the soda’s Quatre had left me. I had just popped the top on a citrus blend when the phone rang. 

“Hello?”

“Hi,” Quatre replied. “How are you feeling?”

“Run over,” I chortled.

“And Hiiro?”

I paused to look over at him desperately pushing the image of his eyes popping open out of my mind while he lay in silent slumber. “No change.”

“Has Trowa arrived yet?”

“Is he coming down?” 

“He should…” he began, but I lost tract of what he was saying when his lover walked into the room. 

“He just got here,” I smiled peering at the bag in his hand while I sniffed the air. “And he brought breakfast.”

“Shhh,” Trowa hissed too late. 

“Oh, not fast food,” Quatre grumbled. “I could have had something decent made…”

“This is decent,” Trowa grinned taking the phone from me.

I let him handle the crooning Arabian while I dug in the bag to see what goodies he had brought. Egg and cheese croissants and those crunchy little hash brown diskettes. Score. 

“Thanks,” I offered handing him one of the sandwiches when he hung up the phone. “Hiiro loves these things,” I chuckled eating one of the potatoes. 

“I know,” he replied sitting down to his meal. 

We were most of the way through eating and all the way through the coffee before he decided to go ahead and do his duty. 

“Are you going to go home and shower?”

“Nope.”

“Are you going to go home at all?” he smirked, but I’m better at it. 

“Nope.”

“You’re going to have to leave sometime,” he reasoned 

“They tried to unplug him,” I commented softly as my eyes were drawn undeniably to him. 

“I could stay for awhile while you go home and shower and change,” he offered and I understood where he was coming from. 

Considering the tragedies that have befallen my life I consider myself very lucky to have friends like him. 

“If he so much as twitches, you call,” I told him and he grinned. 

That appeared to be all we needed to exchange to understand each other, so I nodded and stumbled my stinky ass out of there. I got some very strange looks from the staff and thought I caught a glimpse of Dr. Shaw ducking into an elevator down the hall, but I wasn’t concerned with him anymore. Trowa had Hiiro’s back, he was in good company and I seriously needed a shower. 

I am not an idiot. I knew we couldn’t keep this up. Hell, it was already past the deadline and extreme measures had already been taken, but it wasn’t Relena’s insistence that he was suffering needlessly or the lengthy hospital stay that was seeping into my bones. It was almost as if I could feel how hard he was trying and as time wore on, it just kept getting harder to hold on. It turned my stomach to see the pain in the little lines around his eyes, but I simply could not let him go. 

I took a good, long while in the shower washing my hair and just letting the hot water run over me. It felt good, almost like the tears I couldn’t let myself cry. I was still so tired and let the heat lull me into a blissful fog while the water hissed along the bottom of the tub. It was a bit of a shock when I heard him call to me, but I suppose if I had fallen asleep standing up at the hospital I could have managed it in my shower. 

“We have to stop meeting like this,” I laughed letting the water wash into my mouth. 

“I couldn’t stay away,” he replied slipping up behind me and I shivered when the warmth of his hands slid over my hips and his mouth was so sweetly tempting against the nape of my neck while the hot water rained down on us. 

“Please don’t,” I breathed even as my back arched into him and his readiness brushed along the inside of my thighs and lit my whole body on fire. 

“How will you kiss? Lilt me your lips, our lost breath intermingling. Synchronize our silence as lazy hours ease by,” he quoted though I didn’t recognize the author. “Let me know you,” he entreated pressing his hips against me while his hand slid around to grip my suddenly full erection and I gasped and tried to dig my fingernails into the tile. “Please,” he breathed drawing my mouth around to him. “Just once.”

I knew I was his the moment his mouth met mine. There was no way I could have resisted such sweet temptation and gave myself over to him wholeheartedly and without refrain. It never even occurred to me that I was apparently gay because this wasn’t just some wild encounter with some guy. This was Hiiro and I finally understood the depth of the feelings I had for him when he took me body and mind and made me his own. Gods, how I wished it was real! I wanted it to be real, longed for it, prayed for it, but in the end, once the water ran cold and the sleepy fog began to rise I found myself alone. His presence lingered, but I think that only made it worse because I could almost feel the residual effects of his body on mine. 

“Please,” I choked sinking down under the icy spray while those elusive tears welled up when I heard his voice inside my mind…

“Don’t give up.” 

~

“Back already?” Trowa softly exclaimed glancing from his book to his watch when I returned. 

“Were you reading to him?” I grinned and was gratified with a soft blush in his cheeks. 

“That was quick,” he commented smoothly changing the subject. 

“Will Quat throttle you if you come back this early?” I chuckled. 

“He would have come himself, but he had meetings all day,” he smiled. 

“I know.” No doubt if it weren’t for his duties at WEI and the offhanded mission for Une I probably would have been hard pressed to get rid of him. 

“Thanks for sitting with him.”

“He’s our friend, too,” Trowa gently reminded me. “It’s no chore.”

I gave him the real smile he was looking for and he decided to hang around for awhile and keep me company. It was good to just kick back and talk for a change. I hadn’t spent much time with any of them since the accident, not since things cooled off and they were all forced to return to their normal lives. Wufei showed up later in the afternoon and got the lunatic hero version of the whole mad hatter story, but he was on a case and had to leave before dinner. Trowa made sure I had a proper meal before leaving me for the night and I made him promise to be extra sweet to his busy body lover because without him we would have already run out of time.

And I had a feeling, we had precious little left. 

I spent the evening watching the news of which I was, thankfully, not a part. Une must have covered the whole thing up. That was a bonus. At least there wouldn’t be a media circus to deal with. I watched him sleep for awhile before I noticed Trowa had left his book and decided to try a little reading to pass the time. 

“Poetry?” I snorted. I guess Quatre was having some affect on our mercenary beast after all. It was an elegant little book with green filigree on the binding. I opened it at the bookmark and began to read and though I am fond of poetry in a visual sense some of the ones I came across were just plain weird. It wasn’t until I turned the page and found the pressed petal of a yellow rose that my blood ran cold. 

“How will you kiss? Lilt me your lips, our lost breath intermingling. Synchronize our silence as lazy hours ease by,” I read aloud while my eyes glanced over at Hiiro from time to time as if he would sit up and explain to me how I had dreamed these very words in my shower that afternoon. Judith Pordon. I had never heard of her, but the words would forever be embedded in my mind. How could that have happened? It made me wonder at the tender portions of my anatomy I had dismissed as the results of a greasy breakfast. 

“I’m loosing it,” I sighed closing the book. 

“Duo.”

My heart thumped so hard I thought it might jump right out of my mouth. 

“Hiiro?” I whispered cautiously. 

Maybe I really was loosing it. He lay as still as ever in his bed with his chest responding to the positive pressure and his eyes silent and still, then as suddenly as a flash of light I saw his eyes open. 

“HIIRO!” I gasped lunging for the bed. I saw it! I knew I did! “Hiiro!?” But he lay quietly sleeping. “Come on, buddy!” I begged massaging his hand. “Wake up. We need you back here, you know? Who’s gonna watch my back if you’re not around?” I was on the verge of tears again, but I wouldn’t let them fall. That meant giving up and I would never give up. “Hiiro…please…”

“Don’t cry.”

“Hiiro?” I choked snapping up to look at him again, but the tube was in place. There was no way he could have spoken to me. “Geez,” I laughed letting it go even though it sounded a little off. “I really am a nut bag.”

I watched him for a long time that night mostly trying to convince myself that what I had seen and heard was simply not possible. However, if it couldn’t have happened and I clearly remembered it had, then there was a very real possibility I was overdue for some psychiatric help. 

Falling asleep did not help. 

“Duo.”

“What’s happening to me?” I asked when he swam into view. 

“I’m sorry,” he told me again and I began to understand that he meant so much more than I ever realized before. “I wanted to tell you…”

“Stop,” I choked moving away from him. “I don’t want this dream anymore.”

“I should have told you before,” he sighed heavily. 

“Please don’t,” I whispered only just barely able to cope. 

“I never meant to leave you.”

“Then don’t.”

“You have to know…”

“Hiiro,” I cut him off praying he wouldn’t say what I wanted him to because I knew I would never be able to go back to the way things were if he did. 

“I love you.”

And I cried. Why? I just couldn’t comprehend it. “Why does everything I love have to die?” I wept and he held me so tight I couldn’t breathe. 

“I don’t want to leave you,” he told me and I cried all the harder. 

“You’re just a fucking dream!” I sobbed, but I clung to him for all I was worth. 

“I love you,” he kept saying over and over until the words had soothed over the hurt and numbed the thought of the loss and once again I found myself cold and alone with nothing to look upon but death. 

When my eyes opened the first thing I noticed was that they were wet. I had broken a sacred trust, but I had a feeling these weren’t the kind of tears Solo had looked down upon. Hiiro was lying silently under the maze of hoses and tubes as his chest moved mechanically with the machines as always and I just suddenly couldn’t take it anymore. 

“Wake up,” I told him in a tone that brooked no argument taking a stand beside his bed. “Wake up, damn it!” I shouted feeling a rage take hold of me again. I had felt it before, the day Solo died, the day I lost the only home and family I had ever known. It is a blackness that fills the heart and leaves no room for anything but hatred and vengeance. “You really wanna die?!” I growled jerking my Glock out and pushing it so hard into my temple I felt the metal bite into my skin. “How bout this?! You go I’m fucking going with you!!”

“No.”

I just about fell flat on my ass when I saw his eyes open and he scowled at me only…his eyes weren’t open…but they were. 

“Holy shit.”

“Put the gun away.”

His voice was in my head, but I could see his eyes as clear as day. But they were still closed. It didn’t make any sense. I stood fighting to breathe with my finger trembling dangerously on the trigger while my mouth tried to work out words that wouldn’t come. 

“Please, Duo,” he whispered to my mind and my head began to spin. “I’m trying.”

“Hiiro.”

“Duo!”

Quatre’s horrified voice was the last thing I remember hearing before I crumbled to the floor. I could hear him and feel him nearby, but I couldn’t see him. His presence was warm and comforting, but it was frustrating not to be able to touch him or speak to him. My mind raced trying to make sense of what I had seen, but the only conclusion at the end of the ride was that I had finally popped a cork. But…he was there…

“Hiiro?”

“Duo?” Quatre gasped softly beside my bed. 

I was still in the hospital, it was daylight and Quatre looked as if he’d just seen a ghost. Hiiro lay quietly on his bed looking as normal as ever and I suddenly just felt very damn tired. 

“What happened?” I asked rubbing my spinning head while I sat up. 

“You collapsed,” he informed me worriedly and I could have kissed him when he slipped a soda into my hand. “Have you been eating?”

Oops. Well, that might explain a few things. Can one hallucinate from malnutrition? I couldn’t stop staring at him, his eyes had opened. I saw it. I could still see it clearly in my mind. 

“Has he moved at all?” 

He looked like he might cry for a minute before schooling his expression and replying, “No. Duo, you understand we’re all very worried about you?”

“I know,” I sighed. My behavior hadn’t been of the most stable sort over the past month. 

“We want to help…”

“Don’t ask me to leave him,” I warned and felt bad when he winced at my tone. 

“You need to get away from here,” he said ignoring the black glare I sent his way. “Just for a little while,” he soothed. “Please, Duo. Give yourself a break.”

“I’m fine.”

“People who are fine do not collapse on the floor,” he countered with such a haughty expression I had to laugh at him. “Come on,” he smiled. “You know he wouldn’t want you pushing yourself so hard.” 

Well, that was playing dirty if you ask me, but he had a point. 

“I’ll call Wufei, I’m sure he’d be glad to sit with him for awhile,” he smiled. 

“I thought he was on assignment,” I grumbled looking Hiiro over again. 

“The case was closed yesterday,” he explained pulling his cell phone and I felt sort of good because of the relief in his eyes. 

I got the definite feeling I had been played when Wufei showed up less than five minutes later, but the memory of Hiiro’s open eyes begged me to follow through and get out of the room for awhile. Quatre took me to his house where the mere presence of Rashid and his crew quickly overwhelmed me, so I headed for the solace of the second floor and took a hot soak. My mind kept running over the shower from the day before and how wonderful Hiiro’s hands had felt sliding over my skin and I shuddered in the heat. 

“Get a grip, Maxwell,” I muttered pushing the memories away. It had been a dream. A wonderful, hot, sinfully erotic dream, nothing more, but I couldn’t get it out of my head. His words kept echoing in my mind until I thought my head might explode, then suddenly his eyes snapped open in my minds eye and I dove for the phone beside the bed. I don’t know when I dozed off but Wufei picked up the phone just as if my heart wasn’t trying to break free of my chest. 

“Hey,” I greeted doing my best to sound calm. 

“Duo?” Guess I failed. 

“How’s he doing?” I needed to know. 

He was quiet for a moment before replying evenly, “No change. Are you all right?”

“Yeah,” I chuckled. “Just a little separation anxiety I guess.” Lies are best hidden behind the truth. 

I was sleeping too much. I knew that, but I lay back down anyway. At least in my dreams he was alive and could speak with me. I suppose it was a bit pathetic to think that way, but I needed so desperately to see him and hear his voice I was soon pulled under the blanket of sleep once again. 

“Duo.”

Gods! His voice was so hot, a trembling tenor on the air surrounding me and I felt his hands on my body before I even opened my eyes. I never got around to talking to him just then, because he was intent on blowing my freaking mind. I wondered in some tiny recess of my mind if it could have ever been like that for real, to have him touch me in such intimate ways, to feel his hunger while he rocked my body and mind into a state of sizzling euphoria. Maybe, when he was okay again I would find the strength to tell him how I felt, but all I could think about at the time was my own selfish needs. 

He was so beautiful in the soft glow of the afternoon sun and it struck me as odd that my dreams appeared to follow the actual timeline. But then he was there again, holding me so gently, kissing me, loving me until my heart couldn’t help believing everything was going to be all right. When I woke alone in a cold bed and once again realized the truth of it I rolled over to burry my head in the pillow while the pain washed through my chest. He had to wake up, he just had to. My pulse thumped in my temples when I suddenly realized the pillow was damp and I once again questioned my sanity when his scent invaded my nostrils. 

“Duo?” Trowa asked looking up from his work when I staggered in and plopped down in a chair in his office. It was nice. I had always felt comfortable in his space. 

“I’m gonna head back,” I told him hating the dejected sound of my tone. 

“You look…” he began, but paused as if to choose his words carefully, “...oddly radiant. Did you sleep well?”

“I think my brains gone into full denial,” I chuckled. Gods I was still so tired. 

“Bad dreams?” he asked softly. 

“Not exactly,” I laughed unable to rein it in before he caught the maniacal edge, but things were starting to get very weird and I couldn’t reconcile why it was difficult to sit properly. Could one actually cause bodily injury through subconscious infliction? I had heard such claims before, but never gave them any thought until I had to shift in my seat to ease the ache in my hindquarters. He cocked a curious brow, but let it go. 

“Do you want me to drive you?”

“Can I borrow your bike?” I asked flashing on the last time I had seen his bike. Had it been three weeks ago? No, more like five. We had gone on a cross-country road trip when Quatre got lonely and Trowa decided to drive upstate and visit him during a convention. 

“Why not take your own?” he grinned and I suddenly felt like slobbering all over him like some huge hound dog. 

“You salvaged it?” I smiled falling into step beside him. 

“You’re very good at wrecking a bike,” he smirked. “It just needed a love tap or two.”

Ahhh, my baby. I felt my chest swell at the sight of it. My bike had become almost as important to me as Deathscythe since there was rarely a need to do anything more than practice with the mobile suits anymore. It didn’t fly and couldn’t blow the side out of a mountain, but when I opened her up I felt like the world was mine. 

“Thanks,” I smiled donning my helmet. “I owe you one.”

“Careful when you say that,” he grinned opening the garage door for me. “Quatre fully intends to collect.”

I shot him a bird on my way out that left him laughing, but suddenly all that mattered was getting back to Hiiro’s side. I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand straight up on end when I walked in to find Relena by his bedside instead of Wufei. 

“What are you doing here?” I growled ignoring the pain in her eyes in favor of checking Hiiro over. 

“I can’t bear to see him like this,” she replied softy dabbing her eyes. 

“Then don’t come.” What part of this was she missing? He seemed to be okay. 

“How can you just let him lie there like that?” she asked, but her words were wondrous instead of angry and it took the edge off my ire. 

“Where’s Wufei?”

“He went for coffee,” she sighed and I was moved when a tear ran down her cheek. 

“You should go home,” I told her leaning against Hiiro’s bed. I didn’t really recognize the protective posture of having myself between them until Wufei entered and paused to consider it. 

“Have a nice break?” I asked rather sarcastically and he glared, but it was half-mast at best. 

“She’s not the enemy,” he informed me handing her the cup of coffee he had brought. 

“I know where the boundaries lie,” she grumbled and I couldn’t stop myself from leering at her when I inquired…

“Do you?”

“Did Trowa drive you?” Wufei asked strategically intercepting her next comment. 

“I have my bike,” I informed him turning my attention back to Hiiro and almost falling flat on my ass when he was staring back at me. For a moment I almost shouted for help, but then something clicked and I realized his eyes weren’t really open. It was another dream...or hallucination or whatever it was I was experiencing lately. It looked so real though, right down to that cocky gleam in his expression. 

“Are you okay?” Wufei asked and I just about pissed my pants, but managed to hold it together. It would not do to let them find out I was seeing things, at least not until Hiiro really woke up.

“Peachy,” I grinned. “You don’t have to hang around,” I told them. “I’m just gonna sleep.”

“Trowa said you slept all afternoon.”

“He called?” The little shit. 

“He thought you might like some company since you would probably be up most of the night,” he grinned. 

“Actually, I’m still pretty tired.” Didn’t have to lie about that. It was like the more Hiiro slept, the more I wanted to, but the comment only made his brow wrinkle in concern. 

“We’re all exhausted from all of this,” Relena interjected staring blankly at Hiiro. “I wish you would listen to reason.”

“You’re reason being to cut him off and let him die,” I snorted. 

“He’s already dead!” she snapped rising to her feet, but she backed off pretty quick when I flashed a warning glance at her. “These machines are the only reason his body lives on,” she said softly while tears ran down her cheeks again, but I had run out of sympathy for her. 

“He doesn’t want to die,” I informed her evenly. 

“Why would he want to live like this?” she sighed helplessly. 

“He’ll come back.” And I truly believed he would. He had to. 

“You’re letting your own desires cloud your mind.”

“Maybe I’m not,” I grinned glancing over to find Hiiro’s eyes still open and smiling at me. “Maybe he told me so,” I grinned. 

“Told you what?” she retorted. 

“Don’t give up,” I repeated the words he had spoken in my dream.

“Duo,” Wufei cut in looking at me so intently I wondered if he couldn’t see Hiiro’s open eyes as well. “Has he shown any sign of waking?” he asked cautiously going to peer at Hiiro’s face and I almost laughed when my comatose partner winked at me. 

“Not that anyone could see,” I shrugged. 

He paused for a moment eyeing me thoughtfully before they said their goodnights and he took Relena home. When I turned my attention back to Hiiro his eyes were silently closed once again and I felt a pain shoot through my chest when I understood it had been nothing more than my own mind willing it to be so. 

“I always knew you’d drive me nuts in the end,” I chuckled crawling into my bed. The kitchen came around with a tray for me a little while later and I made a mental note to thank Sally next time I saw her. 

“Gravy,” I groaned lifting the cover to find a pile of what used to be turkey I think. At least the stuffing was nice and chewy and warm apple juice wasn’t so hard to stomach. I remembered my care package from Quatre about halfway through and abandoned the meal for the blissful sparkle of a cola. Even warm it seemed like heaven on Earth. 

“I still can’t figure what you have against this stuff,” I mused after I had drained half the can. 

“That shit’ll rot your stomach.”

Inwardly there was suddenly a cacophony of reasonable voices telling me to quietly put the can down and walk straight to the psych ward, but outwardly I merely tensed and looked over to find his eyes open wide. Or at least, the ones I could see were. 

“I never expected to live long enough for it to come to that,” I chuckled slapping all those reasonable voices relentlessly until they just shut up and let me enjoy my psychosis. 

“You should go easy on her,” he told me and my jaw clenched the way it always did whenever he spoke of her only now, with my newfound depth of understanding I knew it was just plain old jealousy that was the cause. “It really broke her heart when I turned her away.”

“You dumped her?” I gasped softly. 

“I told her I was in love with you.”

“Damn good thing the real you isn’t awake to hear that,” I laughed emptying the rest of my soda. 

“All I ever wanted was you,” he told me and I shifted uncomfortably when what looked very much like his spirit rose from his body and stood smiling at me. 

“I really need to work on my ego,” I grumbled and he laughed that laugh that comes straight from his toes. The one that always made me smile too.

“Still don’t believe I’m real?” he purred stepping up to push me down into the bed and I lost my breath at the feel of his touch. 

My eyes shifted to the real him lying in the bed beside us even as my arms slipped around his neck and I felt the weight of his body shield me from a reality I simply couldn’t face. 

“I want the real you back,” I told him and though I knew I would never be able to share the same friendship with him that we had had I meant it. 

“When I wake,” he whispered softly sending a shiver down my spine while he wriggled between my legs and nestled his body on mine, “Promise me you won’t forget,” he entreated kissing me so gently I moaned softly under his mouth. 

“I love you,” I was compelled to say, then he stole my breath away and took me to a place where it all seemed like nothing more than a nightmare because this was our reality. He was almost opaque that night and stayed with me until just before dawn. I don’t remember waking and I didn’t feel like I had slept, but I had had the most sinfully delicious dreams I wished I could just go back to sleep. 

Breakfast came in the form of pancake shaped diskettes and grapes and I decided to read some of Trowa’s poetry book to him. He seemed to enjoy it, but kept quipping one-liners that made me laugh. I think he just wanted to cheer me up since he had returned to his body for the day and I was left with only his distant voice to comfort me. 

“Dusty pools of sun kissed rain?” he laughed sardonically. 

“It’s an oxy moron,” I argued. 

“It’s idiotic is what it is,” he chuckled. 

“If you don’t like it I can stop,” I groused. 

“No,” he giggled. “This is very amusing.”

“You’re not the one that has to try and voice this drivel,” I chuckled looking for something a little more sophisticated. 

“I like your voice,” he grinned leering at me in a way that made my cheeks heat up. 

“When did you become such a perv?” 

“The first time you let me kiss you,” he smiled unrepentantly. 

“You didn’t really kiss me, you know?” I countered giving up on the book. “You’re just a figment on my overactive imagination.”

“Is that why you’re sitting on a pillow?” he smirked and I felt the soft blush on my face flare bright red. 

“You’re an animalistic apparition, did I mention that?” I smiled shifting a little to ease the ache and busting up laughing when he gnashed his teeth and hissed at me. 

“Duo?”

“Quat!?” Shit. “Hey, guys,” I smiled tossing the book on the bed to make sure they saw it in the hope that it might explain anything they had overheard. It didn’t look like Quatre was buying it though as he surveyed the binding, then glanced at Hiiro and back to me and I kind of felt like my insides had fallen out. 

“We brought you some lunch,” he finally smiled handing me a small basket that probably cost more than my bike. 

“Thanks.” 

“Did you sleep well?”

I turned my gaze on Trowa and got the low down on the visual telegraph that Quatre was fishing and I was to remember I had slept most of the afternoon at their house the day before. 

“On and off,” I shrugged giving my mercenary friend a grateful wink. 

“You seem in brighter spirits today,” Quatre commented going to look Hiiro over. 

“Things are pretty quiet.”

“Good morning.”

I hate to say it, but I was relieved when Sally showed up. Quatre is an incredibly sensitive individual and I wasn’t so sure I would be able to hide my failing sanity from him if he pushed too hard. 

“Duo,” she greeted in this clinical tone that set the hairs on my arms to crawling. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“What’s happened?” Quatre asked instantly on guard and I stepped a little closer to Hiiro and checked my Glock. 

“There has been no change?” she asked sounding terribly sad while she looked him over. 

“He’s fine,” I informed her taking a stand between her and his bed. 

“He is not fine,” she retorted firmly staring me straight in the eye. “He is in a coma.”

“He’ll wake up.” What was she on about?

“Well, he better do it quick,” she sighed. 

“Why?” My knees felt week. She knew something, something bad. 

“I was hoping to avoid having to tell you this,” she said straightening her spine as if to brace for it and my stomach began to squirm inside my gut. “At the end of this week Hiiro will have been in a deep coma for over a month. His prognosis for waking is not considered reasonably good as he has shown no sign of recovery.” She sounded like she was reading from a textbook. “Therefore, on Saturday, if no improvement is recorded,” I felt my knees shaking harder with every word, “the order will be given to disconnect…”

“NO!” I barked and my hand was already on my gun, but Trowa was suddenly there and Quatre had my hand and Sally looked very much like she might just crumble on the floor and cry. “Why?” I choked unable to comprehend how she could give the order to kill him. 

“It’s out of my hands,” she replied shakily. “There are rules…”

“Fuck your rules!” I growled lunging at her and I have to give her credit, she only gasped softly and took a step back, but the guys still had a hold of me so she was relatively safe. 

“Stop it!” Quatre shouted wrenching me back. 

“You know she’d stop it if she could!” Trowa added and the insanity began to ebb. 

“I’m sorry,” I breathed collapsing back against his bed. “But I just can’t let that happen.”

“You don’t have any choice,” she replied as kindly as she could. “The military has regulations…”

“I will not let him die.”

Even I was creeped out by the oddly demonic sound of my voice, but I meant every damn word and she knew it because she backed off. 

“You have until Saturday,” she stated rather mechanically, then her eyes softened and she dared lean close to me and looked me dead in the eye when she demanded, “Wake him up.”

I hated her in that moment. What did she expect from me? What was I supposed to do? I felt completely lost, utterly helpless and like I had betrayed him so deeply all I wanted to do was lie down beside him and let them kill me too.

“Don’t give up.”

“What?” I gasped turning to him, but his eyes remained closed and I realized it was Quatre who had spoken. 

“You thought Hiiro spoke,” he smiled. Busted. I could’ve lied to him, but he would have known it so there wasn’t much point. “How long have you been hearing his voice?” he asked in this businesslike tone that left me feeling weird and vulnerable. 

“It’s just an echo of what I want to hear,” I reasoned hoping he’d get the idea that at least I knew I was wacked. I damn sure never expected him to lean in close to me and whisper…

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” I chortled. “Unless he’s suddenly gone telepathic, I’m pretty sure.”

“Stranger things have been known to happen,” he smiled and I lost the functioning capability of my lower jaw. Was he crazy too? “We’ll come back and check on you this afternoon,” he said changing subjects so fast I felt a little dizzy. 

“Where are you going?”

“I have a lawyer friend or two that I want to have a chat with,” he smiled while Trowa joined him and I said a little prayer that his friends had the kind of pull it would take to change the militaries mind. 

Three days. 

“You get all that?” 

“I heard,” he replied evenly and I went to close the door while he sat up, but he seemed too weak in the daylight to stand from the bed. 

“So, what do we have to do to get you back on your feet?” 

“I…don’t know,” he sighed softly turning sad, blue eyes on me and I suddenly just wanted to scream, but I picked up the phone instead. 

“Thanks,” I smiled when Wufei showed up with Hiiro’s laptop an hour later. 

“If he does wake up he’s gong to strangle you with your braid for this you know?” he quipped trying way too hard to lighten the mood, but I was way past caring.

“Wasn’t my idea.”

“……………Has he shown any improvement at all?” he asked shifting his oddly disturbing gaze to Hiiro. 

“No,” I sighed jacking into the hospitals phone lines. 

He was quite for a long moment while I set up and logged on with surprising ease considering whose security I was breeching, but then he was whispering the passwords in my ear. I just couldn’t figure out how my hallucinations were pulling the correct information out my head when it wasn’t there. “What are you looking for?” he finally asked. 

“Anything that might give us a clue as to how to wake him up,” I replied ignoring the worry wrinkle that appeared between his eyes. 

“Do you really think that’s possible?” Wufei asked looking Hiiro over again. 

“We won’t give up.”

I realized he was hearing more than I wanted him to when those black eyes of his snapped around to stare at me at the sound of the word `we`. 

“Quatre’s got the legal front,” I told him redirecting the plural to include the entire group, though that wasn’t how I had used it. “Do you think you could check the military regulations for a loop hole?”

“Of course.”

We spent most of the afternoon digging through testimonies online about other coma cases while Wufei, Quatre and Trowa did their best to buy us more time. I held little hope that they would be successful and even if they were I knew somewhere in the back of my mind it didn’t really matter. Hiiro seemed to be getting weaker by the moment, I could barely hear the whispers that brushed along the back of my mind and it terrified me. I needed to sleep, but I had done so much of that lately I refused to let it take me again. We didn’t have time for my indulgent fantasies no matter how amazing they were. I was tired, hungry and fed up with all the bullshit I was wading through only to learn that ninety-nine percent of patients in Hiiro’s situation never woke up when the fates decided to drop another bomb and Relena walked into our room. 

She seemed terribly off balance and I could tell she had been crying again, but she held her tongue and went to Hiiro’s side. I felt an incredible urge to jump up and stand between them, but logically I knew she wouldn’t try anything because there was no reason for her too, but I couldn’t help the glare. 

“It’s funny isn’t it?” she chuckled wetly, but I had no clue what she thought was funny. “He tried so hard all through the wars to claim a hero’s fate.”

“He never wanted to die,” I countered, but she didn’t seem to hear me while she gazed down on him. 

“I truly thought I could save him.” The comment seemed a bit arrogant, but it was nothing less than I had thought a thousand times. The only difference was I still believed I could. “But I couldn’t,” she wept. “I couldn’t save him…from you.”

Well, that stung. No one knew better than I that this whole thing was my fault, but being responsible for the deaths of my loved ones wasn’t a feeling I was unaccustomed too. I had a job to do. 

“Which is exactly why I won’t let him die,” I replied. 

“Did you know he was in love with you?”

What? “What?” What was she saying? I wasn’t asleep…was I? No. But he had told me about her knowing about his feelings for me. But…that was in a dream…I couldn’t think straight. It was all running together. 

“After the wars,” she sniffled dabbing her nose. “I asked him to stay with me, but he refused because of his feelings for you.”

“No offence, but that sounds like an easy excuse to turn you down,” I snorted earning me a dark glare. 

“You really never noticed the way he looks at you,” she commented. 

“Yeah,” I chuckled ignoring the leering gaze my apparition was giving me from Hiiro’s bed. “Like he wished I’d get struck by lightening.”

“Like he longed for more than he ever thought you would be willing to give,” she countered and the painful conviction in her tone took me off guard. She really believed this shit and I really couldn’t cope. 

“I don’t know who you think he is,” I grumbled going back to staring at the laptop. “But Hiiro Yui never needed anything from anyone.”

“There’s a big difference between needing and wanting. You should have told him,” she sighed fussing with his sheet and I really just wished she wouldn’t. “Things might have turned out differently if he had known you were in love with him, too.”

I didn’t know how to respond to that. I couldn’t deny it, but it really wasn’t any of her business either. I think I would have snapped something cruel at her, but the compassionate expression in my apparition’s eyes stilled my tongue. 

“Do you still believe you can bring him back?” she asked distantly. 

“I will,” I replied. 

I understood his compassion for her when she turned to me and smiled, “You should tell him,” before leaving us. 

“She really cares for you,” I commented. 

“She has a noble heart,” he agreed, “But I’m still in love with you.”

When I turned toward him he was wearing the cockiest damn grin I had ever seen, which only made the mantle on my face that much deeper so I threw my straw paper at him and just about swallowed my tongue when it bounced off his nose and he flinched. HE flinched! Not my apparition, but him! The real him!

“Hiiro?” I breathed going to his bedside and for the first time since it started I wished the hallucination would fade so I could see his face clearly. “Can you hear me?”

“I’m trying,” he said softly reaching one transparent hand out to brush along my cheek, but there was little comfort in it. I wanted to feel his touch, but I wanted it to be real. There was a war that sprang to life inside my mind when he softly gazed into my eyes and begged, “Kiss me.”

What could I do? I knew the request was my own mind demanding what it wanted, but he looked so hopeful with his mouths lying beneath me in dislodged synchronization, my image partially parting his lips while Hiiro lay silently within him with the air tube lodged in the corner of his mouth and I felt the sting of tears when I laid my lips on his. It was very strange to feel him responding and not responding all at once. In my mind he was kissing me back, but in reality his body lay still beneath me. I couldn’t stop myself and moaned softly while I kissed his mouth and felt ghostly arms embrace me. The sound of the door closing was enough to break me from the moment, but not enough to force me to move away. 

“You don’t want to upset the staff,” Trowa smiled gently, but I wasn’t really in the mood for jokes. 

“I can’t loose him,” I choked just because I needed to say it out loud, but he seemed to understand and came to rest a hand on my back where, in my mind, Hiiro’s were still holding me. 

“How is he doing?” he asked in a tone that was meant to lighten the mood. 

“He’s trying,” I informed him touching Hiiro’s face with my hands and he smiled before I pulled away. “Did Quatre have any luck?”

“He’s working on it. Have you eaten?”

I was really just too damn tired to verbalize an answer, so I just shook my head. 

“Why don’t you let me buy you dinner?” he smiled. 

“Don’t leave,” Hiiro begged softly.

“I’m fine,” I told our guest and he sighed heavily. 

“How about we order a pizza then?” he suggested and I nodded knowing there was no way he was going to leave us alone.

All I wanted to do was sit on Hiiro’s bedside and hold his hand until he opened his eyes, but considering the way I had been behaving and the fact that I could still see him staring back at me when he couldn’t possibly have been doing so made Trowa’s intrusion easier to tolerate. He fussed about the room for a time ordering the pizza and reading over Hiiro’s chart while I sat beside him and stared into eyes that weren’t really looking at me. 

“Did you find anything helpful online?” he asked taking a seat on one of the chairs. 

“Not really,” I replied. “There have been cases where patients have recovered from deep comas after long periods of time, but they are…rare.” I could barely say the words. “No one seems to know why they woke or how to do it.”

“Were there any records of loved ones connecting with them on an extra sensory level?” he asked evenly and I knew he was onto me. 

“One,” I confessed having found a single case where a wife claimed to have been able to hear her comatose husbands voice in her dreams, but he wasn’t one of the ones that had recovered. 

“So,” he smiled. “How is he?”

“Don’t patronize me, Trowa,” I warned feeling so tired I could have laid on the edge of his bed and passed out. 

“You’ve been speaking to him,” he shrugged. “I wonder what his state of mind is.” 

It was difficult to separate my delusion from reality when Hiiro chuckled and commented, “He’s figured us out.”

“You stay out of this,” I told him causing Trowa to raise a brow. “I’m not stupid,” I informed Trowa. “I know I’m suffering from some sort of stress induced hallucination, but it doesn’t really matter. All that matters right now is getting Hiiro back.” 

“What happens if he never wakes up?” he asked evenly and I suddenly wanted to backhand him. 

“What would you do?” I asked and I could see the words caught him off guard. “What if it was Quatre lying in that bed?”

His expression went dead calm while he gazed on Hiiro’s silent form and I felt bad for having given him the vision he was probably having, but then his eyes shifted and cleared and he said in a very somber tone, “We don’t want to loose you, too.” 

“He flinched,” I told him grinning at the way he was suddenly on his feet.

“When?”

“Just a bit ago. I tossed a straw paper at him and hit him in the nose and he flinched.” 

“Why were you throwing things at him?” he chuckled. 

“He was being a prick,” I grinned. 

“I got your prick,” Hiiro interjected. 

“Prove it.”

“Prove what?” Trowa asked. 

“Nothing,” I sighed feeling very pathetic and not quite sane all of a sudden.

“Oh,” he grinned glancing over our fallen comrade and I cut another mark in the friendship stick with his name on it. Just like that he had accepted my diagnosis and respected my wishes to stay with him in spite of my growing insanity. 

I was grateful when he didn’t mention anything to Quatre when he arrived and shared our pizza with us. He looked almost as tired as I felt, but I knew I had him beat when I dozed off sitting in the chair while they went over all the stuff that hadn’t panned out that day. The lawyers were still looking for some leverage and Wufei had flown to the capital to argue syntax with the military, but wasn’t having much luck either. Apparently, Sally was sleeping in the director’s office so she could dig through medical files in the hope that there might be some way of waking her patient and I felt really bad for having yelled at her. 

“Haven’t you slept at all?” Quatre asked prodding me awake. 

“Yeah, sure,” I sniffled, but I felt like I could’ve slept for a week. 

“We should let you get some rest,” he nodded packing away what was left of the pizza. 

“Sorry,” I sighed rubbing my eyes. “I don’t know why I’m so tired. Seems all I do is sleep anymore.”

“Do you dream about him?”

My cheeks heated up in spite of the fact that I told them not to when the memory of those dreams flooded my mind. 

“Maybe that’s why you’re so tired,” he smiled laying a hand on my arm. 

“Maybe you should cut him off,” Trowa grinned standing to join his lover by the door and I just wanted to find a nice dark hole to crawl in when Quatre raised a brow. 

I slept that night, but I didn’t dream. 

It was the lack of Hiiro’s presence that brought me up out of my bed gasping for air and in a state of panic. I hadn’t heard a peep out of him all night, but it was morning before the exhaustion of the past few days released me enough to know and I couldn’t get to him fast enough when I fell out of bed and stumbled across the floor. He was alive and the sound of his monitors still filled the air, but he was silent and I had never been more terrified in my entire life. 

“Hiiro?!” I gasped touching any part of him I could reach. “Hey, man. Talk to me.”

“Sorry.”

“Hiiro!?” Holy shit. “Don’t scare me like that!” I growled, but my worry was eating at me because I couldn’t see his eyes. Nothing of my visual apparition had manifest in the morning light. 

“I thought you needed to rest,” he told me, but I wasn’t buying it. Something was wrong. 

“Show me a smile and I’ll give you a kiss.” I needed to see him, to know he was still with me, but he didn’t respond for so long I could feel my hands beginning to shake. Then slowly his eyes began to open and I felt a rush of relief even though his real eyes remained closed. It seemed to take a great deal of effort, but he smiled for me and I kissed him for what turned out to be a little too long. 

“Duo?”

Okay, so I jumped two feet in the air at the sound of Sally’s voice. Trowa understood, but I had no idea what a trained physician and fellow soldier was going to think. 

“They said talking to him might help,” I explained though I knew exactly how lame it sounded and she sure as hell didn’t look like a fool. 

“Interesting choice of words,” she observed and I blushed clear down to my thumbs. “Has there been any change?” she asked and I breathed again grateful that she had turned her attention to Hiiro. 

“He flinched,” I told her hopefully. “A piece of paper hit him in the nose and he flinched.”

“That’s muscular reaction,” she informed me while she checked his blood pressure and fluid levels. “How are you feeling?”

Now that was a loaded question if I ever heard one. “A little tired, but I’m okay.”

She went about her check up, changed two of his bags that were low and took a good, long look at the respirator tube in his mouth. 

“Is something wrong?” I asked not caring for the amount of time she was spending examining the tube. 

“It’s shifted,” she informed me and I suddenly felt ill. 

“What does that mean?” 

She finished her examination before turning to face me. “It will have to be corrected.”

“No way,” I replied firmly. If they took it out he could die. 

“We don’t have any choice,” she told me. “Another few hours and his windpipe will be too swollen to even attempt it.”

“He’ll die!” I snapped. 

“He’ll die for sure if we don’t.”

“DAMN IT!” I growled flailing my hands in the air because I really needed something to hit and it would have been bad to make it her. 

“Calm down.”

“Why the fuck should I?!” I shouted at him. “You knew this was happening didn’t you?!” 

“Duo?” Sally interjected glancing cautiously from me to Hiiro. 

“I didn’t want you to worry…”

“Then wake the fuck up!” 

“Duo!”

“What!?”

Shit. Now she knew for sure I was a raving lunatic. 

“Shit.” Okay. “Look, I’m really tired okay?” I had to find a way to explain. “I just…sometimes I forget I’m awake.”

“It’s okay,” she soothed. 

“I see him so much in my dreams.”

“I understand.”

“If he would just wake up.”

“Relax,” she coaxed guiding me back onto my bed and I was so distraught I didn’t feel the needle until it was too late. 

“No,” I breathed, but whatever she hit me with was killer because I suddenly couldn’t feel my legs. 

“Rest,” she said pushing me down and my eyes locked onto Hiiro’s begging for all I was worth for him to still be alive when I woke up. 

The fog was gray. 

“Hiiro?”

“Here.”

“Hiiro!” I gasped running into his arms. He was wispy and vague, but he was there and I could feel his arms around me. “They’re going to turn off the respirator,” I hurried to tell him, but he refused to let me go. “We can’t let them! Your body can’t breathe without it!”

“All I need is you,” he said softly while he kissed me and I felt hot tears wet my cheeks. 

“You have to keep breathing,” I choked. 

“You are my breath,” he said and kissed me again, but I felt him fade even as he held me in his arms. 

“Please,” I begged. “Please, don’t leave me.”

“I love you,” he said and I felt as if my very existence was draining out of me when he slowly faded away. 

“BREATHE!” I shouted feeling a fury like I had never experienced seize me, but there was nothing to grapple with but the dense clouds of my own thoughts. “IF YOU REALLY LOVE ME THEN BREATHE, GOD DAMN YOU! Don’t die! I never even got to know you!” Gods in Heaven please. “Do you hear me?!” Come back. “HIIRO!”

I couldn’t find him. No matter how hard or how fast I ran, but I refused to give up. 

“HIIRO!”

I could feel him, he was still with me, nothing more than a thread on the wind, but he was there. 

“Hiiro!”

“Duo.”

It was just a whisper, but set my feet in motion and I prayed for time as I dove head first into a pit of pitch black. 

“NO!” I heard him shout, but it was too late, I had come for him and I wasn’t about to leave without him. 

“Breathe, god damn it!” I demanded over and over again sinking my fingers into the pitch. It was cold and slipped through my fingers as fast as I could grab it, but I kept snatching at it with all my strength. 

“Duo.”

“Come back,” I choked feeling my determination take complete control. “Or I’m coming with you,” and the pitch suddenly exploded. 

“He’s breathing!”

“Duo!?”

“No! Hiiro!”

“On his own?!”

“Get the mask off him!”

“Duo?! Can you hear me?!”

It was Quatre, but there were a whole lot more. 

“Hiiro?” I croaked not understanding why my throat felt so raw. 

“He’s breathing!”

“He’s breathing, Duo!” Quatre’s watering face grinned over me. 

“Help me.”

“Lay still,” he told me pushing me back down. 

“I need to see him,” I begged. 

“We almost lost you, too,” he informed me. “Just lie still for a minute. Sally thinks you had a reaction to the sedative.”

Bullshit. Hiiro saved me. Again. 

“Trowa?” 

“Trowa?” Quatre echoed, but his tone was one of dismay instead of the pleading tenor I had uttered when his lover slid his long, strong arms beneath me and carried me to Hiiro’s bed. He understood. 

“Hiiro?” His eyes were still closed, but the tube was gone and his chest rose and fell on its own. “No,” I whispered. “He doesn’t know about the dreams,” I protested when Trowa went to lay me in the bed beside him, but he didn’t listen. 

“You shouldn’t…” Sally began, but Trowa cut her off. 

“He is the only reason he’s still alive,” he told her tucking my blushing body in beside Hiiro’s and I suddenly just damn well forgot they were in the room. 

“Hiiro?” He looked so frail. His lips were red and swollen and I could smell the stench of stagnancy hovering over him, but nothing could have pulled me away. “You can wake up now,” I smiled hardly noticing when the orderlies and nurses, doctors and our friends faded away into the distance. “Please,” I entreated softly brushing a hand over his cheek. “I’m tired, okay?” I couldn’t stop myself from kissing the corner of his mouth and welcomed the tear that rolled down my cheek when I felt him softly smile. There was a collective gasp in the room when I felt his right arm lift and rest clumsily against my back and I grinned like I had just witnesses the very first dawn when crusty, blue eyes slowly fluttered open. 

His first rasping, garbled word was, “Kiss?”

Shocked doesn’t even come close. 

“You felt me kissing you?” I suddenly needed an ice pack or something or I was going to burst into flames, but he shook his head looking very irritated with his inability to speak.

“Kiss,” he rasped again and I got the message when his arm urged me closer to him. I couldn’t believe it, but I leaned down and laid my mouth on his and I’ll be damned if he didn’t moan and try to lift his other arm to hold me. 

“Slow down,” I chuckled feeling more than a little dizzy. “You’ve got some major healing to do.”

His voice had abandoned him and he looked so tired I wanted to just rock him in my arms, but there was a sparkle in his eyes that told me he was definitely going to be okay. Still, I wasn’t quite prepared for it when he smiled and mouthed, “I love you.”

I didn’t get it. Not until much later when he regained his voice enough for us to have conversations and I still can’t explain it to this day. He remembered it all. I sat in the bed beside him with his arms wrapped tightly around me and listened to him tell me the tale of my fall from sanity in great detail until I just couldn’t deny that he had actually been with me all along. It was nearly three weeks later on a sunny afternoon that he coerced me into a make out session in his bed when I realized just how much he recalled. 

“I don’t think you’re quite up for that yet,” I chuckled intercepting his hand before it could slip down my pants. 

“Oh, I’m up for it,” he grinned moving my hand to his groin to prove his point and I lost my breath. 

“Not until you can walk all the way to the lobby,” I insisted, but my hand was working on an entirely different train of thought. 

“You were much more complacent when I was in a coma,” he grinned.

I really needed to work on the whole blushing issue. “I just want to take you home,” I reminded him and he relaxed, relented and convinced my hand it should find another hobby for a while. 

“Where’s home?” he asked tracing patterns on my chest. 

“Anywhere you like.”

“Will you be there?”

“Yes.”

“Then it doesn’t matter,” he smiled leaning to kiss me again. 

It was all just so hard to comprehend, yet there he was trying his best to crawl inside me and I couldn’t wait until he was well and we could fully explore the depths of our feelings. Relena had been by and though I knew it was hard for her to see him doting over me I could see true happiness in her eyes. I expect someday she’ll find the right moment and thank me for not giving up, but it was enough that she supported us and honestly wished us well. 

“Hiiro?”

“Hn?”

“We need to stop,” I breathed knowing if he went much farther I wasn’t going to have the will to. 

“Did I ever thank you?” he smiled down at me. 

“Thank me?” I snorted. “For almost getting you killed?”

He shook his head and kissed me gently before he replied. “For saving me.”

“You must’ve hit your head,” I chuckled. “You’re the one always pulling my fat out of the fire. Remember?”

“No,” he smiled with this look of utter adoration in his eyes that made me feel about five years old. “You saved me a long time ago.”

“You’ll have to refresh my memory ‘cause I sure as hell don’t recall it,” I laughed. 

“You did,” he insisted kissing me again. “You made me want to live.”

He had done it all…for me. 

“When did I do that?” I breathed unable to find my center in the dizzying fog that had overtaken my mind. 

He smiled that smile that tells me he knows he has won and kissed me on the tip of my nose before he gently replied, “The moment you stole my heart.”

I let him make love to me that day though it was awkward and exhausting. I just couldn’t deny him and as he lay sleeping beside me with his energy for the day spent I realized why we had been able to connect on such an extreme level. We are one of a kind, the two of us. We just belong together and not distance, time or the lack of a human heartbeat was ever going to take that away. He was a part of me. I fell asleep in his arms feeling completely at peace because I knew in my heart, no matter what, he would forever be mine. 

owari :)

**Author's Note:**

> Write it, draw it, create it, sing it, SHARE IT. ~ Sunhawk 2019


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